I can already hear the favorite whining that everything is getting dumped on her because she will do everything to control
I hate people like that.
I can just see her lashing out saying something nasty to me/my husband, and I am working on my Cus-Jesus higher ground of forgiveness and practicing responding with "sorry for your loss" and "she had a good long life"
It is a struggle though.
Forgiveness is one thing, allowing her to put undue pressure on you and the Mr or trying to make the two of you her punching bag is another. Jesus forgave but he didn't take bullshit off of idiots either.
Put another way: establishing boundaries and enforcing them, sternly if necesarry, isn't being unforgiving.